The freedom to feel miserable

Does is it really matter
Who she is with
as long as she is happy?
It makes me feel miserable
My love is self-harming.
Although,
I also feel crappy
If I don`t
Get to smoke
A cigarette before breakfast
Being without her at least
I get to inhale
Whatever and
as much as I want.
When I smoke
It doesn`t bother me
That he fucks her good.
I couldn`t care less
About who lays with who.
What makes me feel sick
Every other afternoon
Is the thought of his pig fingers
stroking her lips slowly
as her face muscles
form a smile.

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