A ticket to L.A.

Cut her out
I need to try
Cut her out and throw her overboard
With the bones and your guts
Let me try one more time
Just let me try.
My addiction prone personality
Gets drawn to you?
Why? Nothing is good enough for a apathetic guy like me.
Why get I drawn to you?
I want her, does it have to be more?
I think we would be good for each other
and would she sit in front of me right now
I would advise her to not think before tomorrow.
We, you and me,
we know nobody else,
who feels like the only choice
and a bad one at the same time.
I never fucked her
– just for the records
Believe me I wanted to really badly
but as soon as she sat in front of me
the girl I talk to over glorrified phone replacement
becomes colder than ice.
Now I was able to touch her and she is scared
what we could find, if I would.
So I touched her
nothing serious, just to remind her she is here.
She said I shouldn’t.
Sure she has got a boyfriend
but that is not the reason
she is telling me this.
If she really was so opposed to just be with me
she would have left long ago
and I tried again and again.
So we hugged.
I didn’t pressure her more.
It felt like I should have
at the end
she said I was no man
and I couldn’t convince her I am one
because I was scared.
We hugged.
I smiled.
but it felt like she fucked me
over with my own feelings;
just standing there in a hallway
and trip me up;
Make me tumble over linoleum covered floor.
Cuts and bruises and broken bones,
are a consequence,
when we get closer to each other,
and I hope I inflict them on her too
and while you should think,
that there is some underlying cosmic meaning behind the fact
that her gravitation field
has got me spinning around her in my head.
I can only hope she feels the same.
What is, is simple, if I look at it sober. You are a shooting star,
one I can wish something onto.
Maybe not more.
Not to feel alone with you would be a start
but with shooting stars and wishes and fairy-tales it hasn’t
much in common.
Expect if snow white got fucked by a million dudes,
while she slept her beauty sleep.

You still feel like the right decision,
a matter of my heart,
and still like a mistake,
which makes me blind to more but you and me.
On Monday I wake up
and I am going to drag myself to work.
Around evening I will be home
and soon after I will be in bed.
Tomorrow I will be up again.
Life goes on, that’s what she said. No saying, no problem distraction, no hobby, no begging or hasty flight, no honest conversation
changes that.
I tried everything,
even to cut her out.
I never liked the sayings beginning with people like me;
feel all or nothing
and we seem to get punished a lot.
We demand
that is the problem
or don’t want to know.
I do at least, I want control over the only free spirit I know.

I can’t allow myself to feel anymore. Feeling feels like giving away something nobody wants. And people pick on my soul, everywhere I go.
You can try to tell me different
But it never felt like I could speak
in front of all of you.


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