It kills, but doesn’t kill me off

For such a boring and dull crowd.
I have to feel crazy
Just know my pain, while nothing special
would have broken a weaker person.
I can’t tell you
if it made me stronger
I just lost too much fighting them.
But I will break the ceiling
into a life that in the end
probably won’t be any better
but I can worry less about.
Traction, attractions, distraction,
and once I started going Uphill,
I first made sure I was ready
to just roll off a cliff again.
“I don’t worry”,
I tell my myself,
“I am in a constant fall,
always was”
But all of this,
is the closest there is to a dream to me.