Alongside for the time being

I get a message at night:
Content: “Do you want to go for a walk with me?”
And she already knows my answer.
It’s been the same for the last three days,
I couldn’t say “No” to her anyway,
she jokes happily in the text.
She’s right,
I could not.
There’s nobody here but her
I can still bear.
And all alone
I usually am,
6 out of 7 days.
In the cabinet, I slip into my hiking boots.
and throw my coat over my shoulders.
It could still rain,
she had prophesied
but we should stroll in spite of precipitation.
Grind your shoe sole over pebbles.
I see all the way down to the ground.
Anything but look in her eyes.
“Are you even listening to me?”
All the time, but I don’t have much to say.
“I thought you could articulate.
Knew how to deal with language.
Would have something to say with your words”
“It’s just words.
Get a hold of yourself.
I hold back any assurances
you wish to have”
Despite all words,
murderers will simply continue to be murderers”.
Water falls on the asphalt.
Silently, she nods only discreetly.
And because I had already forgotten
what I wanted to say,
led her on to the subject of flowers.
She seemed satisfied;
talked carelessly, trustingly.
I already knew my answer to her question.
But tomorrow is also another day
to say “No”.