Echo Wind

Fuck your misery.
My whole life
it felt like I was engulfed
in ice.
Years went by
where nobody touched me.
Nobody tried to.
Nobody dared to.
It was only
everyday
me.
I went down
a staircase
and as I went
it got darker
and the steps only led me down further
And I took them
willingly
step by step
knowing I might never see,
hoping to see the bottom of the abyss
eventually
the destination .
There is none.
It just gets darker
and you get lost
whispering
in echos
bouncing of the walls.
All you hear is yourself.
What a life this is
gets silenced by the question what is has to be.
And when I stopped walking
years of tired falling.
No bottom in sight
it was only dark
– no light.
Stopped at the beginning
the middle
right before the end?
I went to cower
on a step
for a while.
Held my head
my face in my hands
cried,
let the tears flow down
the height.
It never filled up.
Slippery the staircase got.
A film of liquid,
salty
nothing to drink. 
Matter is just another word,
what matters is what is worth to build for you
even in prison they have hobbies
memories that vanish at the gates
and get told to climb stairs
if they want to see the world
outside
again.
I was looking up
No light upwards
nothing downwards
If I wanted light
I had to find it
inside
of myself.
It was
and will always be
dark in this world. 

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